TreatLoaf, SweetLoaf: Saga of the Meat Voltron

I made a meat baby, so I thought some baby making music would be in order.

In memoriam of Teddy Pendergrass, good loving, baby making music:



I'm a meatloaf-phile, but not a lover of the musical artist Meatloaf.
Making a meatloaf had been on my agenda for quite awhile. It was a frequent offering at the dinner table of my youth, usually served with mashed potatoes. This was my first attempt to make it. There was always a wonder, a mystique, surrounding the ingredients and preparation. I knew it was easy, but what was in there? It's just a classic, and one that I really enjoy, and I need to know how to do this. I need to understand meatloaf.

I went stupid at costco, that's how it started. The food was so cheap, I talked myself into a 2 1/2 pound tube of sausage and five pounds of ground beef. I bought some baguettes, and those came in pairs. That place was abuzz like an ant colony, or a transparency of the human circulatory system in motion. People moving in rows and lines. My grocery list was brief and there were so many demands on my attention. The receipt at checkout was almost shocking, but I haven't been for groceries since that visit. Picked up a 5 pound jar of artichoke hearts, for under eight bucks. That's exciting stuff.

I got home and thought through this meatloaf. I didn't have any breadcrumbs. This thing takes an hour or more. The lump of ugly meat I had would maybe take two hours.
The thing is that it became a mission. I couldn't lose faith. I do not quit! We do not quit! So, I started making breadcrumbs by slicing up and toasting one baguette in the oven. Simultaneously, I ripped open the meat packages and emptied the contents into a large steel mixing bowl. I used about one pound of sausage and two and a half pounds of meat. Then I processed the ingredients:

--Pound or more of sausage
--Two and a half pounds of ground beef
--Four eggs
--Fresh chopped rosemary from the front yard
--Garlic
--One whole onion
--Some olive oil
--Salt
--Pepper
--Celery Salt
--Paprika
--Chili oil (not much)
--Cumin
--Chopped bread crumbs

It took about a half hour to work this mixture thoroughly, with fingers and thumbs.
I was breakdancing off of a recipe that called for ground veal, which sounded like the right thing to do. Three different meats could've been great. I should have ground some bacon into this thing. But, I watched this hog farm documentary last week that was unsettling. Bad, even for people who don't care. I'll still be eating bacon. But I never want to watch that again. Almost cancelled HBO I was so pissed that there wasn't anything funny on. I don't want bacon guilt. I don't need that. Don't take the one good thing about breakfast away from me, cause waking up up early to eat it just kills it for me without the bacon; if it isn't served, I always wish I would've slept in (wake me up, on a weekend, and there isn't bacon. It better be an emergency). It violates the 87th amendment to the U.S. Constitution. Freedom from bacon guilt, with religious exemptions.

I used a food processor for all of the breadcrumbs, but it was inconsistent. This turned out to be fortuitous; most of the bread crumbs were minuscule, like sand, yet some were oversize. These larger bread magnets soaked up all the goodness while cooking, adding to the final texture and look, stratified throughout the loaf.
After I wrestled it into the over, I set it to 350 degrees and checked it with a meat thermometer at the end of the hour. It had quite a ways to go. It finished at an hour and 45 minutes. The meat browned nicely in the oven and when it hit 170 degrees internally, I heaved it out. Beef juices, and a half inch of golden fat drippings. More animal fat, more problems. Storage problems.

I sliced into it, revealing a meat mosaic of sorts. It looked so delicious. I started thinking about sandwiches immediately. I always over cook. Because I enjoy leftovers, and meatloaf sandwiches are one of life's tastiest pleasures. Meatloaf is a cruel, cruel dish. I think this makes it more satisfying somehow.

Meatloaf and ketchup was my instantaneous reaction. I wouldn't do anything else. But, the ketchup wasn't even worthy of this meatangel. This awful pile of awfully tasty meat had wings of rosemary and sausage. I already made this Sweetloaf a valentine. I spent so much time mixing it that it was without levity, it was dense, not airy or fast. For an inaugural meatloaf, it was strong.

The picture of the Treatloaf sandwich showcases some homemade honey-wheat bread, bread that I didn't make. But, it was the type of sandwich that mermaids dream about.